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Post by Vinny Falcone on Feb 20, 2011 21:22:25 GMT -5
RP here.
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Post by JD Screw on Feb 26, 2011 22:45:05 GMT -5
==Camera fades up on an extreme close up of a puppets mouth.==
Puppet: This week, on Worldwide, “The 100 Proof Asskicker” JD screw continues on this path of redemption as he challenges the GWA World Champion Christopher Bryant in a non-title match.
JD: Yeah, what the hell is up with that?
==Camera zooms out and we can JD wearing his new “I’m Too Kick To Drunk Ass” shirt. And he is controlling a Joel Garcia Puppet.==
JD: I beat the vodka soaked hobo last week and he gets a shot at a belt…and I get a non-title match? Sounds like the works of dark forces…or idiot bookers. Or both. But it’s all good, Fuzzy Joel, as JD will take any match with any opponent on his Redemption Tour 2011 and knock their dicks into the dirt…as my Granny used to say.
Puppet: She sounds fantastic.
JD: She was a church goer. Now all week I have been watching some tapes on Bryant trying to learn how a no talent suck ass little bitch like him got to be champ. But after throwing up for a tenth time after the whole new title swerve they hit us with last week…I decided to watch some great old episodes of “The Dukes of Hazard”
Puppet: Oh man I love that show. Daisy was SOOOO HOT!
JD: You’re telling me, Fuzzy Joel, but the show was a lot more complicated than people gave it credit for. You see it’s about an arrogant prick who’s always trying to beat down and get rid of some good ole boys that just want to have a little fun. So in essence the powers that be here, and Bryant are Boss Hog and I’m the Duke boys.
Puppet: What about me?
JD: You’re like Uncle Jessie…not that smart and smelling of moonshine. And a bit of a perve.
Puppet: Says the man with his hand up my butt.
JD: Touché, Fuzzy Joel. But just like the Duke boys it’s not going to be easy. Taking on this type of man with that big of an ego and that small of a brain is dangerous. I doubt he’s even taking this seriously. Probably why no one has heard from him all week. I’ve been waiting and waiting for the champ to grace me with his words…but instead he stays in his hotel room polishing his….belt. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets himself counted out or DQ’ed because he cares so little about this match, but let me tell you something, Fuzzy Joel….he can look past me…he can treat it just like any other day but the fact of the matter is, is that I’m a force to be reckoned with…and I’m not sucking at the corporate teat while I do it. I’m standing on my own two feet…standing large…standing proud against whatever those jack holes in the office want to throw at me. They want to soft serve their champ a match…I’m the wrong cat to try to do that with. I’m going to come at the champ like a god damn spider monkey…kicking, punching, clawing and throwing my faeces if need be! I need…no..I must prove myself not to the fans…but to myself. I will climb to the top of the GWA and if that no good piece of crap wants to stand in my way fine…and if the FBI want to run down to the ring and try to stick their noses in where it doesn’t belong I’ll be sure to knock them clean of their faces.
Puppet: Be careful, JD, they are the bosses.
JD: And they should be acting like it not standing behind some pumped up chump and pickin’ sides they should be running the company. But they want to get their five minutes in front of the camera so they can try to impress women…because the one and a half inch pecker they be packin’ isn’t helping them at all.
Puppet: Wow! JD you could just as well paint a bullseye on your head.
JD: Fuzzy Joel…it’s like this. I’m pissed off…and I’m sick of getting pissed on by these jerk offs! They want to play god…they want to play gay mafia…they want to play with our careers? Guess what bitches…I’m not playing! This is my life…my love…my passion and to see what Byrant and the AssCones are doing to what I love…it sets me off. If they want to fire me…if they want to make an example of me…they better buy out three more promotions and bring all those ass monkeys with them because it’s going to take a god damn army to take me out…I will never quit….and I will have the GWA World Title around my waist…mark my damn words.
==Just as JD finishes “The Half Pint Beefcake” Terry Wood walks in and stops dead looking at the puppet…then back to JD. JD looks at the puppet and back to Terry.==
Terry: Hey.
JD: Hey.
Terry: What ya doin’ there, brother?
JD: Doing an interview.
Terry: Great….have fun with that.
JD: You know this is a puppet right…
Terry: Yeah..
JD: Because I didn’t want you to think I was putting my hand up the ass of one of your friends.
Terry: My friends aren’t made of felt…
JD: Right…
Terry: Right…
JD: Can I ask you..
Terry: NO I don’t know the way to Seasme Street.
JD: How do you know..
Terry: I know..
JD: You don’t..
Terry: Is that what you were going to ask?
JD: Yes.
Terry: Ass.
==Terry walks away.==
JD: Well someone’s getting big for his britches.
Puppet: Funny.
JD: I thought so.
Puppet: So now what?
JD: I reckon we go terrorize the women’s locker room.
Puppet: Sounds fun.
==JD runs off puppet in hand…fade to black.==
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